Today, I write....

Christmas is gone.  It has been a very long time since I blogged.  Today's blog is not about weight loss, or the lack thereof.  Today, I just feel like I need to write.

I always have a sense of loss when I take down my Christmas decorations.  I just feel like my house seems empty without them.  I love my decorations.  I love how my house looks with the decorations.  Thus, the sadness.

But it's 4 days after Christmas, and this year, the sadness is worse.  Today, I feel like I am betraying many by taking the decorations down.  I feel as if, by taking down the decorations today, I am accepting this season and all that has happened.  I am accepting the loss of a dear friend, long before we were ready to let him go.  I am accepting the many lives that were lost in a senseless act of evil on the very same day my dear friend left this world and met our Savior face-to-face.  I am accepting that it is the end of another year, and I feel as if I've accomplished nothing.  I am accepting that, in my city as well as cities not so very far from here, people have lost their lives in other senseless acts every day for the past month or so. 

I can't accept those things.  Yet, by taking down my Christmas decorations, I feel as though I am accepting them and moving on with my life, even if I'm not ready to do that.

I somehow feel that, if I left my Christmas decorations up, things would be different.  Things would go back to the way they were.  Like I could bring my friend back.  Like I could bring back all the lives that have been ripped from this earth through no choice of their own.  Like I could somehow have a sense of accomplishment.  If my Christmas decorations were still up.

So, how am I going to get past this funk????  A few Scriptures ring in my head. "Trust in the LORD with all your heart and do not lean on your own understanding.  In all thy ways acknowledge Him, and He will make your paths straight."  "His ways are higher than our ways, and His thoughts are higher than our thoughts."  "Greater is He than is in me than he that is in the world." 

So there it is.  I do not trust the Lord because I understand His ways.  It is because I do not understand His ways that I trust in HIM.  Even as I typed these paraphrased Scriptures, my burden seemed to lighten.  His Word is life.  His Word is healing. 

And today I wrote.  Writing is healing.

out of sight, out of mind....right?

Although I have always heard this, I have my doubts about the truth of this statement. I have just removed almost all of the clothes that I cannot wear right now from my closet. This was a very depressing process. As I looked at each item, I remembered how much I loved to wear it, or how good I felt in it, or how my husband looked at me when I put it on. Truth is, I don't know if I will ever see some of these items again.

So, until we meet again.....cute, skinny clothes.....maybe it won't be too long.

Been a While

Well, it's been a little while since my last post. There have been ups and downs. Probably more downs than ups. I have lost a few pounds this week.....however, they are mostly the pounds that I found last week.

My cruise to the Bahamas is a few weeks away. My cellulite is not ready for sunny times ahead.

Need motivation and a kick to the behind.....

times are tough

This has been a tough weekend. We have had pizza, chocolate cream cake, and Top o' the River. So, the graph on my Noom app has started climbing back up. I keep thinking about how it was when I could go into my closet, pick out any article of clothing, put it on, and look good. Instead of motivating me, that is only making me feel even farther from my goal.

So I am looking high and low for my motivation to keep going. I know I can do this. I have done it before. WHY IS THIS SO HARD?

a dove from above?

Can God speak through chocolate? Because you know how those Dove chocolate candies have little messages inside the wrapper? I received some for Christmas, and I have been slowly nibbling on them since then. In the small bag, I have received the same message three times...so far: "Make someday today." Wow. Could I really be receiving inspiration from a piece of chocolate? I guess stranger things have happened, right?

So, for now, I will take whatever message in whatever form....hoping it hits home once and for all.

what easily besets you?

Hebrews 12 says "Let us lay aside every weight, and the sin that doth so easily beset us." That was a scripture that was part of my devotion this morning. As I pored over this verse, I realized that gluttony is the sin that so easily besets me. But even more than that, is the sin of putting ANYTHING before God. For me, I have learned to take comfort in food, instead of God. This part of my journey focuses on getting my thoughts and desires in line with God's thoughts and desires for me.

So each time I considered going into the classroom across the hallway to get some chocolate, I set aside the sin that was trying to easily beset me. And I found my own chocolate.....in smaller amounts....

Baby steps....

from beyond

I have almost made it through one day, and am not too disappointed with myself, even though the leftover Valentine's candy is calling me from beyond the pantry. I have repeated my goal weight to myself several times today. I am not sure if that is a reality check or a wake up call or even a strategy to get my fingers off the chocolate. So, while I still have a long journey ahead of me, all I need is grace for the day. My focus is not on the journey ahead.....it is on today....Lord, just help me through today.....

and if I can get through today, I can ask for another day's grace tomorrow....and that is exactly what I intend to do.